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Desire: an inclusive guide to navigating libido differences in relationships
Author
Publisher
Beacon Press
Publication Date
[2023].
Language
English
Description
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Table of Contents
From the Book
The Lowdown on Libido
Libido Basics
The Two Types of Sexual Desire
The Willingness Model
The Dual Control Model: Accelerators and Brakes
Pleasure, Satisfaction, and Sexual Desire
Sexual Messages and Cultural Scripts
The Sexual Spectrum: From Asexuality to High Sexuality
Desire Discrepancy and the Avoidance Cycle
The Mental Checklist for Sex and the Stress Response
Cultural and Societal Factors
The "Sexual Recession"
The Cultural Roots of Sexual Shame
Minority Stress
Heteronormativity
The Dilemma of the Gender Binary
Body Image and Culture
The Sexual Staircase: Shifting Our Thoughts
Interpersonal Factors
Who's "the Problem"?
Sexual Communication: Assumptions and Expectations
The Gottmans' Four Horsemen
Sharing Sexual Interests: Don't Yuck Someone's Yum
Perpetual Problems Versus Solvable Problems
New Relationship Energy
The Pursue-Withdraw Pattern
Differences Between Partners
Sexual Incompatibilities
Relationship Structures: Monogamy and Ethical Non-Monogamy
The Mental Load
Trying to Get Pregnant or Adopt
Individual Factors
Hormones
Sexual Pain
Lack of Pleasure
Shame
Mental Health
Trauma
Pregnancy and Postpartum
Grief and Loss
Desire and Aging
Cancer
Disability
Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria/Pleasure
Kids, Pets, and Other Distractions
Connection with Self
Beliefs About Sex
Mindfulness and Sex
Breathing and Grounding Exercises
The Importance of Pleasure
Body Mapping and Pleasure Mapping
The Window of Tolerance
Anxiety Hierarchy
Sexual Aids
Sexually Explicit Material
Connection with Partner(s)
Spending Time Together
Spending Time Apart
Sharing Sexual Interests and Desires
The Wheel of Consent
Bridging
Intimacy Dates
Initiating Sex
Responding to Sexual Initiation
Respecting a No to Sexual Initiation
Addressing the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern
Practice Sessions
The Sexual State of the Union
Sensate Focus
General Instructions for Sensate Focus
General Instructions for the Toucher
General Instructions for the Person Being Touched
General Debriefing Questions
Phase 1: Chest and genitals are off-limits
Phase 2: Chest and genitals are on-limits
Phase 3: Mutual touching with chest and genitals off-limits
Phase 4: Mutual touching with chest and genitals on-limits
Phase 5: Genital exploration
Phase 6: "Move the hand"
Phase 7: Genital-to-genital touching
Phase 8; Genital-to-genital touching, with penetration, no movement
Phase 9: Genital-to-genital touching, with penetration and movement
Frequently Asked Questions About Sensate Focus
Partners with Higher Libido
A Note About Gender Roles
Revisiting the Sexual Pursue-Withdraw Cycle
DIY Pleasure and Relationship Agreements
The Higher-Desire Partner's Role in Sensate Focus
Supporting Partners with a Trauma History
When High Libido Is a Concern
Opening Up
When to Kick It Up a Notch
Identifying Your Team
Mobilizing Your Team: Questions to Ask and Common Concerns
Final Thoughts on Desire.
Excerpt
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More Details
Contributors
Vencill, Jennifer A. author
ISBN
9780807006788
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